My Journey (June 2021)

June 2021-

I’ve always struggled with uncertainty but especially a year into the pandemic, I definitely do not know what’s going to happen next. What I do know is that I feel a lot better when I actually feel supported by my environment, empowered to change the things I need to, and like I’m not starting from scratch every day.

The past year has been hard. The more time I spend at home, the more I recognize how much the literal things around me affect my mood and what I’m capable of, and that I deserve to have a say in how my space looks and feels.

Born from my lifelong-struggles to feel organized, I bring you Organizing with empathy, a personal organizing service that is trauma-informed. From my e-mail inbox to my bedroom and everything in between, I am learning to deal with the overwhelm of everyday life and I’d love to help you do that too.

As a Neurodivergent person and trauma survivor, I know how scary it can be to work through these things. Organizing often means trying to do something you’ve failed at time and time again, and hoping it will go differently. That’s why I am intentional about respecting clients’ boundaries, never judge or assume how things came to be, and value working at the pace that’s right for you. Because we want it to go differently this time.

I primarily work with clients one-on-one in-person in the Boston area, or virtually anywhere in the U.S., and am slowly developing group workshops and events to help people practice their organizing skills in community. I’m also interested in helping community groups explore accountability and how to apply social justice principles in their everyday lives.

I have big ambitions, and I would love to learn from and work with you. If you are interested in collaborating with me on an event, working with me 1-on-1, or anything in between, please reach out on my Contact page.

-elly k.

my new years 2021 intentions process

Personal context: Life is terrifying. My default emotion is fear. I begrudgingly accept that not everyone works this way, but it also means accepting it in myself. call it trauma, lived experience, a mental disorder…my brain jumps to the next scary thought, continuously, on repeat. And when i’m happy, the thoughts come in “Oh no i’m too happy this feels foreign why don’t i feel it more? why didn't i do this earlier? how am i going to cope when this feeling goes away?” and make the good feelings hazy.

So, this new year’s (2021), i didn't want to make resolutions. i know many reasons why it’s good to have a plan and i also respect the part of me that is freaking out about how much CONSTANT UNCERTAINTY i’ve experienced lately. Almost as if nothing is under my control. And it’s hard to fathom setting a goal when i don’t even know what all the different parts of me want because i haven’t had space to slow them down enough that i can listen.

Now that New Year’s has passed, it feels safe to share what i was able to write down:

What do i know will happen in 2021 regardless of my actions?

-Time will keep passing

-I will need money, food, energy, time in nature, sleep

-Transitions will suck

-Structural violence will continue

-Joy and happiness and play will continue

What feels overwhelming now but i could build towards addressing?

-Email as self care workshop

-Making space for your New diagnosis in your life workshop - understanding how you work

-Valuing vulnerable friendships

-Planning a safe getaway w my partner

-Improve my ability to hold myself in times of uncertainty and plan for the future

What do i want to take with me from 2020?

-Ability to survive isolation pandemic conditions that remind me of childhood

-Belief in restorative powers of rest and TV

-Pride at living with a partner for the first time in my life and navigating the struggles

-Unemployment money from government (though I also need more)

What do i want for 2021?

-Keep more organized notes on media i take in (journals to accommodate MY tv watching style)

-Play with and support my 5 nieces and nephews

-Collaborate with my partner and people i like in creative ways

-Continue to unlearn internalized ableism and help other Neurodivergent people accept themselves

*Plan my year NOT around money goals, but around what i want to do with my time

Goals of Empathy

Empathy & Accountability

I can help you understand

1) How you feel about your environment

2) Why you feel that way

3) Why you are holding onto this feeling - what it is doing for you, which part of you it is serving

And then, once you’re unmeshed, when you have empathy for all the parts of yourself that are working collaboratively to take care of you, you can decide what changes you actually want to make. Whether rearranging your nightstand so you have easier access to your medicine, or recycling and donating bags of old clothes, there are always ways to make it easier for yourself to navigate this world. Because life is messy, and I’d like to help you sit with yourself and focus on the things that matter.

“I Might Just Throw Up”

If I had a standup special or wrote a book it would be called “I Might Just Throw Up.”

Trigger warning: Throwing Up, Choking, Domestic Violence, Anxiety Attacks, Panic Attacks.

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As a kid, I had extremely horrible social anxiety and constantly felt I was about to throw up. Most of the time it remained an obsessive fear in my head, and I usually didn’t actually throw up - except on my first (ever) date in 9th grade, on the bus. To his credit, he helped me clean it up and said, “My brother throws up all the time,” and we then continued on the date for several more hours and proceeded to watch Date Movie, in which characters throw up.

Deep breath.

I now see my persistent and overwhelming fear of throwing up (and the very real physical sensations that went along with it) as a symptom of Autistic burnout, Complex PTSD and obsessive thinking. I grew up in domestic violence around people experiencing a lot of trauma and emotional dysregulation, and I was overwhelmed by it for most of my life. This meant having frequent anxiety and panic attacks as a kid that manifested as my feeling like I was choking or about to throw up, though no one would take me seriously. It was the most painful experience of my life, and it lasted for 2 decades. While medication and therapy and life coaching and falling in love and finally being able to control my environment have made me feel more safe in the world, and I rarely get the feeling that I am going to throw up anymore, it was the most painful experience of my life, and I still think this would make a good standup special or book title. Because then regardless of what happens onstage, I’m covered. The audience knows what to expect.